Thursday, October 28, 2010

I Miss HER!!!!!!! UGH!!

so as usual, im home bored out of my mind , and even though im bored out of my mind i STILL can't shake the immense, incredibly excruciating notion that i miss my future wife... i think i've previously explained our relationship and a tid bit of our past. So i guess i won't have to go into detail now, but , its like this persistent concept of lack of affection ya kno.... i got so used to being with her almost 24/7 that now that she is gone or well.. in school... i dont know what to do with myself . Its quite pathetic really, kinda made me feel like a bad friend to some of my crew ... they was feeling neglected when she was on the island cuz i'd spend most of my time with her ... i dunno .. maybe i was being a bad friend maybe i wasn't but apologies were accepted and life went on from there .. although i don't hear from one or two of them as much as i used to.. others i hardly hear from at all ... but hey back to the matter at hand.

Has anyone of you EVER experienced that void deep inside your stomach, its sort of like warp speed. You know, when you're non-chalant, happy go lucky even and then the captain of ur emotional starship enterprise presses a button and WARP SPEED... all positive emotion is sucked out of u from within and ur left .. just here ..existing .. wishing for another scenario of life to be playing out but nothing happens .. ur still stuck here .. creating carbon dioxide..and the occasion bursts of methane gas .. We exist why? ... is it simply to exist ? .. when i get bored i ponder all those weird random questions about humanity's purpose and crap... and funny enough my thoughts somehow still end up back where i started at square one .. revolving around my girlfriend.. is this love too much for me to handle long distance, am i just dwelling on this distance too much for it to be healthy.. what am i doing wrong here .. i mean if u think about it ... relationships are like cereal boxes .. with the prizes at the bottom .. the mystery prizes .. remember back when we were kids and well we'd of-course buy or get the parentals to buy our favorite cereals ... and we'd specifically make the boxes with the best mystery prizes in em to be our weekly favs lol. well yeah ... relationships are like that in a sense .. buying the cereal u know u like is like being with someone u know u enjoy the company of, or you're definitely attracted to them .. eating the cereal enjoying the mixture of whatever its made of and milk some add sugar .. most add sugar... u know .. people get creative .. banana slices strawberries chunks .. the list goes on.. anyway those add ons are like the specific traits of each individual relationship .. u know the shit you and your sig other do that your pretty sure is ur own ... ur thing ... but then lets get to the knitty gritty ..(. not sure i spelled that right but who cares..).... that mystery prize... who among you have waited literally till u ate the LAST bowl of cereal in the box before fishing out the prize  hmmm anyone ... lol not likely ... but for the people that did like myself .. im sure u'll relate if ever you've experienced this .. remember the anticipation counting down the mornings before school and the amount of bowls eaten .. gettin ur mom to shake the box to guage it for ya ... lol yes i did it all as well... but i mean remember that incredibly disappointing feeling you get when the prize is not ....what... u ......expected....o_0 ...

well yeah .. this distance im experienceing right now is like that prize .. i got all the joy of eating the cereal .. i.e the bliss that is my relationship .. yet ... not being able to see her for months on end is taking a toll i dont like the feel of ... its making me miserable .. and quite frankly the distance is fricken annoying ... wanting her kiss... wanting to see her smile when i come to visit or pick her up to come chill at my place... her voice .. in my ear ... her moans ... i mean who wouldnt miss all of that ... my girlfriend is WIFEY material. the type of chick that'd get up out of her bed to make me breakfast and BRING IT TO ME.. just cuz she wanted to .. had nothing to do with impressing ..or .. if i were out of boxers .. she'd HAND WASH a few for me ... i mean how the fuck lucky am i ... i guess in retrospect this last paragraph ties well into my previous blog about her lol ... proof as to why its hard for me to even fathom cheating outright even with the permission .. she doesnt deserve it ...

anyway folks i got a full blog out of nothing ... lol Gotta love Random Spurts Of Thought ... until Nextime ... when i again decide to traverse the caverns for some more Cerebral Controversies

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